I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize