If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
you never un-have a 4some
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
