The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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