watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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