I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
