My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
