I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
