I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
