I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
