im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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