I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
