it wasn't lemon gatorade
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
