Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
