How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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