We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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