Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
