I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize