that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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