I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
