I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
