someone threw a dead crab at me
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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