My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
