i jhust puked up my retainher.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
