I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
