There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
