well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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