This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
