if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
