She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We left the knife in your bed.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
we're so committed to being not committed
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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