My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
