God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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