also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
