My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
