A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
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