If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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