I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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