Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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