By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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