I can tuck mytits in my pants
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
