if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
