On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
