You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
