is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
