You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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