please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Randomize
