But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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