Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
