at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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