I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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