Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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