she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
