..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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