Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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