sorry about calling you the devil all night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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