I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
