She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
