so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
