i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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