Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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