can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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