Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
