he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
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