I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
