We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Randomize
