I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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