What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
